Graphophobia - Fear of writing?

I like to write. I like it. I would say I love it, but then I would have to mention the fact that I sometimes hate it. So I say I like it because my love/hate feelings probably average out into like. Also, I avoid the using the term love because it can be misleading. I'm often reluctant to write.  If I truly loved writing, then you would think I would write more. Uuuugh. I wish I could figure out the cause of my reluctance.

Is it a fear of commitment? Am I afraid to commit to one particular style or genre of writing? I go to write poetry but then I'm like "I ain't no poet!" I go to write fiction and I'm like "I ain't no story teller!" I go to write a blog and I'm like "I ain't no geek!" I go to write a research paper and I'm like "I ain't no scholar!" So instead of writing anything, I stare at the wall for five hours instead.

If I absolutely had to pick one though, just one, it would be fiction.

I'm often too ambivalent in my opinions and beliefs and conclusions, so academic/research-based writing is far too dreadful of a process. Fiction, on the other hand, seems to allow more room for ambivalence and ambiguity and probably some other smart-sounding a-words. You just tell a story. It doesn't necessarily have to be told in chronological order, or any specific format. It doesn't even have to have a clear message. As long as you are able to keep the reader interested your words, they'll often find their own messages and values in them.

Not that writing fiction is easy by any means. It just seems to provide lots of room for flexibility and experimentation, something I need to keep me interested in what I'm writing. This is my current rationale for trying to convince myself to take my relationship with fiction to the next level. If anyone objects, please say so now.

Some Letters Recycled into a Blog Post

Here's an inspiration killer: Every thing worth writing has already been written. There are so many books out there, so many words in so many books, so many ideas in so many books -- a lot of repetition and redundancy. Every word I write, I get the sense that I’m stealing from words that have already been written. 

This is because every word has already been written. Every word I’m using in this sentence has been used before. Nothing is entirely original. CREATIVITY IS A MYTH!!!  No wait... I’m lying. 

Here’s the uplifting turn in my melancholic blog post: Originality lies in the creative arrangement of things that already exist. It makes me happy to think about the fact that no one has ever written the exact combination of words found in this blog post. Just to guarantee my previous statement is true: Watermelon. Anaconda. Four Seven Six Nine Nine. Morgan Freeman floating in a purple tornado.

 

According to a rule some shaggy-haired guy named Albert made up, everything that exists in this universe is made of matter that has existed since the universe itself began existing, or something rather. This means a carbon atom in my left arm could have once been a part of a real live dinosaur. Who knows. 

Sure all of my atoms are hand-me-downs, but that don't mean I ain't original!

Trust me, I love music more than anyone else.

I LOVE MUSIC! I love it more than anyone else does! IT IS MY LIFE!! MINE!!!!.... Of course, I'm exaggerating. 

I don't want to claim ownership of music. I just like it. I like to listen to it. I like the different moods and vibes it puts in my brain. I like when the lyrics are somewhat poetic. I like how it allows my brain to take these moods and vibes and lyrics and create a story in my head. 

I often struggle to find the energy to write things when I need to write things. When this is the case, I use music as a tool for channeling this required energy, as I'm sure many of you do. It definitely helps. 

Here's an idea for taking this one step further, particularly for when you may be having trouble thinking of something to write about:  Listen to one of your favorite songs--preferably one that tells an intriguing story. Then try writing a story that captures the essence of that song. You can even use specific details from the song to establish the setting of your story. 

I'm going to try this and see what happens. Ideally, I'm hoping to at least develop a starting point for a story that will eventually become its own original entity. (As in, it won't just appear to be a rip off of a popular song.)